3 Types of Negative Self-Talk That Can Trigger Anxiety
Have you ever noticed that your inner monologue can be a bit, well, harsh?
The problem with having a nasty inner critic is that it can trigger the body’s stress response and put us in a state of chronic, low level fear.
We might not even realise that the little voice in our head - the one that berates our every move and tells us we’re not ‘good enough’ - is putting our nervous system into ‘fight or flight’ mode. And if we stay in this activated state for long enough, we can start to experience it as anxiety.
The tricky thing about the inner critic is that, ironically, it thinks it is being helpful. In its own harsh way, it’s trying to protect us. That’s why understanding the intention behind our inner critic’s message is a crucial first step towards silencing it.
Here is a breakdown of the three main types of negative self-talk that can trigger anxiety, so that you can identify which critic is affecting you:
1. Self-Critical Perfectionism
This is when we push ourselves to look or perform better because we fear failure or judgement.
This inner critic might sound like, “You’re not going to leave the house looking like that, are you?” or “Check it again before you send it - you always make mistakes”
How to cope:
If you regularly hold yourself to unnecessarily high standards try remembering that perfectionism actually inhibits success because it makes us anxious and exhausted. Try using the mantra ‘Sometimes good is good enough. Not everything deserves 100%.’
2. Self-Critical People-Pleasing
This is when we shame ourselves into taking care of everyone and neglecting ourselves because we fear being rejected or disliked.
This inner critic might sound like, “People will think you’re selfish if you say no” or “People only love you because you support them.”
How to cope:
If your need for acceptance is making you neglect yourself try remembering that your emotions and needs are just as important as everyone else’s. In fact, if you want to be able to truly support other people, you need to prioritise your own self-care. Try using the mantra ‘I need to put my own oxygen mask on before helping others.’
2. Self-Critical Avoidance
This is when we shame ourselves into avoiding risks because we fear looking stupid or weak.
This inner critic might sound like, “You’re bound to fail so what is the point in trying?” or “Keep quiet or you’ll make a fool of yourself”
How to cope:
If you regularly avoid things because you’re terrified of failure, it might be helpful to reframe what failure means. Mantras like “Failure is part of every success story” or “It’s better to try than to never know” can be really helpful when the urge to run and hide shows up.
If you would like to learn more about how to silence your inner critic and regulate your nervous system, then you might be interested in joining my digital programme, Reclaiming You.
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Reclaiming You is a 4-week programme that will transform how you live and work through a series of video talks, exercises, journal prompts and mind-body tools. In week 3 of the course, I will walk you through my 4-step process for silencing negative self-talk and reducing anxiety using a combination of techniques from CBT, Mindfulness and Somatic Psychotherapy.
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To enroll in Reclaiming You today and receive a special early-bird offer head click here
