Burnout can make you perpetually exhausted, irritable, and feel unsuccessful and undervalued.

A major contributor to burnout is the job itself – factors like low job control, time pressure, excessive workload, and problems with leadership – but how closely we identify with our job can also put us at risk of unnecessary stress and overwhelm.

For many of us, our careers are about much more than how we pay the bills. Doing work we love can be an important part of our identity and how we spend our time, but when we define ourselves exclusively by our job, we can slide into the dangerous territory of ‘enmeshment’.

Psychotherapists use the term ‘enmeshment’ to describe a situation where the boundaries between people are blurred, and individuals lose their autonomy or independence. The term is typically used in the context of families or romantic relationships, but we can also experience enmeshment with our jobs, where the line between work and personal life is blurred.

People enmeshed in their roles tend to have poor work boundaries - sending emails at all hours or not taking all of their allocated holiday days - and it often leads to a self-perpetuating cycle of exhaustion and burnout.

Signs you might be enmeshed in your job:

🚩 Work eats up your time and identity, leaving less space for hobbies and interests

🚩 You think about work whenever you’re not there

🚩 You tend to bring up your job within minutes of talking to someone

🚩 You find it hard to connect with people who aren’t part of your working life.

There’s no doubt that having a strong sense of connection to your job can yield some positive results, but the problem with becoming so enmeshed in your job is that it can begin to define you to the point where you let it define your own value.

If you feel like your career is all-consuming then it might be time to start untangling yourself from your job by asking yourself these questions:

👉 How much of my description of myself is tied up in my job? Are there any other ways I could describe myself?

👉 What kind of boundaries could I set with myself about when I will detach from work?

👉 How would I fill the space currently consumed by work?

👉 What kind of hobbies can I make more time for? (hobbies that don’t directly involve my work-related skills and abilities)

👉 What are my principles and values? What is most important to me? Can I let those priorities guide me towards things outside of my job?

Abby Rawlinson is a British integrative therapist, coach, author, speaker, and influential content creator.

She offers 1:1 online coaching sessions to clients worldwide, helping them address issues such as stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout, imposter syndrome, procrastination, and low self-esteem.

Find out more here.