Why You Should Learn to Complete the ‘Stress Cycle’
Moments of stress are inevitable in life but completing the ‘stress cycle’ - finding a way to let our bodies know we’re no longer threatened and we can relax - might be the most effective way to avoid emotional exhaustion and burnout.
The Stress Response
While it may sometimes feel like you are stressed for no reason, stress is always triggered by external or internal stimuli. There are external stressors: work, money, family, the news, and so on. And there are less tangible internal stressors: self-criticism, memories, body image or fears about the future. All of these things can trigger the stress response in our bodies, which is why many of us can live in a near-constant state of feeling under threat.
The stress response is an evolutionary adaptive response that helps us have a healthy fear of things that are dangerous. In the hunter-gatherer days, if something was life threatening - like a tiger running towards you - your nervous system’s stress response would automatically switch on and your heart would beat faster, your breath would become shallower and everything in your body and mind would become focused on the impending danger. Then, after the danger of the tiger had passed, you and your fellow villagers would jump, cheer and celebrate surviving. The switch would go off and you would return to a calm and resting state.
The problem is, we’re not living the hunter-gatherer life anymore. Most of us have never been chased down by a tiger, but our body thinks it’s happening all the time. Even as you read this now, it’s possible that your body is in survival mode. Your body may be mistaking a ‘breaking news’ alert on your phone or an obsessive thought you’re having for a tiger. In other words, the stress response can be triggered unnecessarily – in the same way as an oversensitive burglar alarm. The problem is that in today’s modern world, we don’t tend to complete the cycle. And when we don’t complete the cycle, our stress response is in chronic activation.
Completing the Stress Cycle
In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, twins Dr Emily Nagoski and Dr Amelia Nagoski argue that we must engage in an activity that tells the brain and body that, after facing danger, we are now safe: the completion of the full circle of stress.
Think about the last time you had a moment of stress. Maybe you left your laptop on the train or you slammed on your brakes to avoid a car accident. Mimi-dramas like these will startle your nervous system and activate the stress response – a rush of adrenaline that prepares your body for ‘fight or flight’, which is our natural defence against danger.
Chances are, once the drama was over, you didn’t take a moment to pause, reflect on what just happened and shake it off. You probably tried to quickly compose yourself and continue your journey, but felt a bit shaky as the adrenaline ran through your body.
We tend to go through life powering through moments like this without doing something that signals to our body that we are safe. We end up staying in an activated state and we can often experience this as anxiety.
Unfortunately, just telling yourself “You’re safe, calm down” doesn’t flip off the stress response. This is because the body doesn’t understand rational cognitive langage - it prefers “somatic speak”, which means tuning into your body and showing your whole self that you are safe.
There are two main ways we can successfully discharge our stress, complete the cycle and come back to a baseline:
Self-regulating practices: These are the things you do on your own to complete the stress cycle. For example: breathing exercises, dancing, exercise, shaking, crying, journaling or doing something creative
Co-regulating practices: These are the things you do with others to complete the stress cycle. For example: a phone call with a friend, a hug, a kiss, belly laughing.
All of these practices show your nervous system that you are safe. There are so many different ways to complete the stress cycle, but it always involves doing something.
As the Nagoski sisters put it “Completing the stress cycle isn’t an intellectual decision; it’s a physiological shift. Just as you don’t tell your heart to continue beating or your digestion to continue churning, the cycle doesn’t complete by deliberate choice. You give your body what it needs, and allow it to do what it does, in the time that it requires.”
